When you need help from someone, it can be difficult to swallow a small piece of pride and ask. When you need someone’s approval, it can be frustrating trying to string together the right words in the right order to get the “yes” you want. And when you want someone to do something they probably don’t (like getting your husband to clean the garage) it can feel like diplomatic negotiations. 
How you ask a question determines the route a conversation will take. Avoiding push-back, making gentle suggestions, and being assertive are just a portion of the question asking martial arts. With a few insights into question asking techniques, you will quickly hear the sweet sound of “yes” more often.
1) Make it their idea
It is much easier to say yes to an idea we believe to be our own. It is your objective to make your request their idea. My preferred method is to ask many probing questions and then shut up. I let the other person tell me their challenges, needs, and desires. Once I feel I have enough information to make my suggestion, I ask my leading question. For example, “If I’m hearing you correctly, you’re not getting enough solid business leads at the end of your speech. Wouldn’t it be helpful to know some proven techniques that will help bring up those numbers?”
2) Automated “Yes”
Read the example question again. You see how the automatic response is a “yes”. Sure you can say no, you have the ability to, but we are wired to instinctively say “yes” to a question like that. When “going for the kill”, frame your question for an automatic “yes” response. I suggest planning these specific questions before your meeting or conversation. Remember, don’t go for the kill too soon. You want the other person to have time to express their views and opinions first. People love to feel heard. If you go in pushing your “yes” questions on them too soon, they will sense it and hold back.
3) Follow the Crowd
It’s human nature to avoid being the first person to leap out into the unknown. If you are proposing something new and different, the other person may be hesitant to say yes. However, if you let the other person know that others have tried/used/purchased/loved what you are proposing, they will be more comfortable “joining the crowd”. (Right when you thought the lemmings were silly.) You can casually information the other person that others are on board by saying, “Most people are choosing option 2. Which one interests you?”
4) Offer Choices
Get away from a 50/50 yes or no conversation. Instead, offer the listener some choices. Instead of “Honey, will you take out the trash?”, try “Honey, will you take out the trash tonight or in the morning?” Notice how the respondent’s only answer options are tonight or in the morning. It’s very difficult to say “I’m not taking it out at all.” Once “Honey” says – most likely – “I’ll take it out in the morning.” they have made a verbal commitment. That way if the trash isn’t out in the morning, you can offer a friendly reminder- “Oh sweetie. You said you wanted to take the trash out this morning. I just wanted to remind you before the trash guys pick it up.”
5) Benefit Reminder
Wouldn’t it be less stressful to plan these questions ahead of time? Would you enjoy knowing you have more leverage in a conversation? Can you imagine being a negotiation-powerhouse in your next meeting? … Did you catch that? Each of these are example of how to tack on a benefit within the question. Usually people need a reminder of the benefits they will enjoy if they use your suggestion.
Asking questions gives you the power to direct the path of a conversation. Wouldn’t this information be helpful to someone else you know? Why don’t you share and retweet it to you friends? (Couldn’t help myself.)
Great article! Asking questions has always been a big part of effective communication and your tips were very helpful.