When you need help from someone, it can be difficult to swallow a small piece of pride and ask. When you need someone’s approval, it can be frustrating trying to string together the right words in the right order to get the “yes” you want. And when you want someone to do something they probably don’t (like getting your husband to clean the garage) it can feel like diplomatic negotiations.

How you ask a question determines the route a conversation will take. Avoiding push-back, making gentle suggestions, and being assertive are just a portion of the question asking martial arts. With a few insights into question asking techniques, you will quickly hear the sweet sound of “yes” more often.

1) Make it their idea

It is much easier to say yes to an idea we believe to be our own. It is your objective to make your request their idea. My preferred method is to ask many probing questions and then shut up. I let the other person tell me their challenges, needs, and desires. Once I feel I have enough information to make my suggestion, I ask my leading question. For example, “If I’m hearing you correctly, you’re not getting enough solid business leads at the end of your speech. Wouldn’t it be helpful to know some proven techniques that will help bring up those numbers?”

2) Automated “Yes”

Read the example question again. You see how the automatic response is a “yes”. Sure you can say no, you have the ability to, but we are wired to instinctively say “yes” to a question like that. When “going for the kill”, frame your question for an automatic “yes” response. I suggest planning these specific questions before your meeting or conversation. Remember, don’t go for the kill too soon. You want the other person to have time to express their views and opinions first. People love to feel heard. If you go in pushing your “yes” questions on them too soon, they will sense it and hold back.

3) Follow the Crowd

It’s human nature to avoid being the first person to leap out into the unknown. If you are proposing something new and different, the other person may be hesitant to say yes. However, if you let the other person know that others have tried/used/purchased/loved what you are proposing, they will be more comfortable “joining the crowd”. (Right when you thought the lemmings were silly.) You can casually information the other person that others are on board by saying, “Most people are choosing option 2. Which one interests you?”

4) Offer Choices

Get away from a 50/50 yes or no conversation. Instead, offer the listener some choices. Instead of “Honey, will you take out the trash?”, try “Honey, will you take out the trash tonight or in the morning?” Notice how the respondent’s only answer options are tonight or in the morning. It’s very difficult to say “I’m not taking it out at all.” Once “Honey” says – most likely – “I’ll take it out in the morning.” they have made a verbal commitment. That way if the trash isn’t out in the morning, you can offer a friendly reminder- “Oh sweetie. You said you wanted to take the trash out this morning. I just wanted to remind you before the trash guys pick it up.”

5) Benefit Reminder

Wouldn’t it be less stressful to plan these questions ahead of time? Would you enjoy knowing you have more leverage in a conversation? Can you imagine being a negotiation-powerhouse in your next meeting? … Did you catch that? Each of these are example of how to tack on a benefit within the question. Usually people need a reminder of the benefits they will enjoy if they use your suggestion.

Asking questions gives you the power to direct the path of a conversation. Wouldn’t this information be helpful to someone else you know? Why don’t you share and retweet it to you friends? (Couldn’t help myself.)

Please visit Affluent Magazine’s Web site and read my article “Communications 101 for Managers”.

As I’ve discussed in previous posts, it’s important in your presentation to have a balanced mix of what your audience wants to hear and what they need to hear. It is sometimes difficult for presenters to distinguish the difference between the two – because it’s all interesting to us!

So to help you find the “want to knows” here is a small (and growing) list of ideas. Please keep in mind, the “want to knows” are not necessarily the steps, processes, or action items. Instead, a “want to know” is the picture you paint of how their life will be if they implement your suggestions. You have to make the end-result crystal clear in their minds in order for them to even consider listening to you action plan. Read through the list and see if you have any “want to know” you’d like to add…

• Tomorrow will be better than today – How will your information make their life a little better?
• Make more money (ideally as easily as possible) – Please, no scammers here.
• Have more time – We all wish we had more of it. Paint the picture of how your information will give them more time with their family, more time for their hobbies, more time…for anything!
• To be heard – Ever wish you could be more assertive and get what you want? So does your audience!
• To achieve their dreams, no matter how distant they seem.
• Be more attractive to the opposite sex.
• Be less stressed and find peace.
• To find love
• To get (earn) respect

“Want to knows” aren’t extremely complicated. We all want the same things. We all have the same basic and innate dreams. It is best if your presentation can appeal to those basic desires.

Recently my article “Being a Bad Leader: 5 Ways to Improve Your Leadership Abilities Through Communication” was featured in Training Magazine Online. Click here to read the article!

In my workshops and seminars, I teach my audience to determine what the audience needs to hear and what the audience wants to hear. More often than not, the two can be as different as night and day. And yet, having a balance of both in your presentation will aid in the success of your speech.

Unfortunately, many of us have a difficult time figuring out which is which – a “need to know” vs. what is a “want to know”. Presenters usually confuse a “need to know” as a “want to know”, which is a big mistake. If your entire presentation is delivering “need to know information”, you run the risk of your audience getting bored and suffering from left-brain fatigue.

Look at it this way, as an audience member, would you prefer going into a presentation telling you everything you “need to know” (step-by-step process of a new business policy), or what you “want to know” (how new policy will give you more free time)?

The problem is that as presenters, our “need to know/want to know” filter is faulty. What sounds like a “want to know” to a presenter is actually a “need to know” to the audience”. So how can we fix our faulty filter?

You have 2 options.

Interview a potential audience member. Get it straight from the source. Say, “I’ll be speaking on X. What would you like to learn from a program that covers this?” Or, “I was thinking about covering X and Y. Which of those would be more of interest to you? Do either pique your interest?” And then, shut up. Don’t go into your speech. Don’t disagree with what they say. Just listen. You’d be surprised at how much valuable information you can learn from your audience members.

If, for some reason, you can’t get a hold of a potential audience member, you can have a friend interview you about your topic. This is another great way to find the need/want to knows. You will easily be able to tell what is interesting to your friend by the questions they ask you. Pay attention to what topics they ask more questions about. You should easily be able to discern what you should keep in your speech and what you should cut.

Can you think of any other ways to help you differentiate “want to knows” and “need to knows”?

In “Reasons Why Audiences Applaud at the End of Your Speech”, I pointed out many reasons why audiences applaud and give standing ovations other than you delivering a fantastic speech. Therefore, it is foolish to use applause as your only measurement for determining the success of a speech. When working with my clients, we begin by defining the specific outcomes/measurements we will use to determine the success and improvement of a presentation. So, what measurements can you use? Here are a few options:

• Percent of the audience that purchases your products/services after the speech
• Number of referrals after the speech
• Increase in positive written testimonials. People will usually say nice things to your face, so it’s not the best idea to rely only on what people tell you right after your presentation.
• Percent of the audience that signs up for your newsletter
• Increase of blog subscribers
• Positive recommendation letters from clients
• Increase of hits to your website after a speech
• Number of business cards exchanged
• Number of prospecting/follow up meetings scheduled

What other measurements do you use to determine the success of your presentation?

Often speakers think that their audiences applaud and give standing ovations because they are a good speaker. Sadly, this is not always (actually, it’s rarely) the case. Here is a list of reasons why your audience might applaud at the end of you speech.

• The speech is over… finally
• The speech is short
• You have a powerful story (overcoming paralysis, climbing Mount Everest, surviving Cancer, etc.)
• The information you gave was helpful (even though your delivery was terrible)
• You are the boss, and they don’t want to hurt your feelings
• You tried and they applaud the effort
• They are happy the next speaker/headliner is coming next
• You are someone important
• They feel bad for you and don’t want you to feel embarrassed
• You announced some happy news at the end (“A new car for everyone in the audience!”)
• You have a powerful message and are an excellent speaker

We are a very polite society. We applaud for many reasons other than “you have a powerful message and are an excellent speaker.” Don’t make the mistake of judging the success of you speech solely on the applause you receive at the end.