Every speaker seeks to make a difference in the lives of their listeners. Even if only one person gets an a-ha moment, it is well worth it. As a speech coach, my clients often ask me if there is some key or technique that can help increase the a-ha moments in their speech. They mistakenly think that if they add one more step in their 5-step process the audience will get it. Or if they create a crafty acronym, that will make a difference. Or if they sing a song or add a poem, the audience will feel a stronger connection to their message. While each of these can be helpful in a speech for other reasons, they are not the key to creating a meaningful connection between an audience member and the message. In order to accomplish that, the speaker needs to dig a bit deeper.

A strong bond is formed along ragged edges

Recently I attended a seminar at the National Speakers Association. Our speaker was Francis Bologna. While his program focused on finances for small businesses, he had amazing insights on life, relationships, and people. One pearl of wisdom that stuck with me when he said, “As people, we don’t really bond together along the smooth edges. Where we truly bong is at the ragged edges.” In other words, what we typically present to the world are our smooth edges. We smile regularly. When asked how we are, we instinctively say “fine”. We keep a pleasant demeanor about us at all times. This is how we make acquaintances and fair-weather relationships. But when we show our ragged edges, that’s when we find true and meaningful relationships with others. The ragged edges are the struggles of looking for a job. The pain of being overweight. The worry for a delinquent child. The fear of not reaching our dreams.

When we share our ragged edges, we connect with others and their ragged edges. We all have pain, worry, frustration, disappointment, and fear. When we hide that part of our being, we cannot make meaningful connections with others. When we hide our own personal truth, all we are doing is polishing up our edges, smoothing them out so that we can slip by others and go unnoticed.

As speakers, our success relies on the ragged edges. We hold the privilege of the platform in order to connect with people. If you only present your smooth edges, you will slip by and forever be forgotten. However, if your goal is to make a lasting change in the lives of your audience members, you must be comfortable with shedding your pride, your ego, and your embarrassment. It is only when you reveal your humanness – your ragged edges – that your audience can then look inside themselves, acknowledge their own ragged edges and feel as though they are not alone. That is when a bond is truly formed.

Think of a puzzle. If the pieces are smooth with no bumps or gaps, when you lay the pieces next to each other, the slightest shift will adjust the pieces and they are no longer aligned. They are easily pulled apart. But if the pieces have spaces and ridges, then they snap in place and they hold on tight to one another, A much greater force is needed to break the bond between them. The same goes for you and your message.

When your speech reveals the spaces, the ridges, the gaps, and the bumps, then that piece of your message finds its way into the heart of someone who has the same ragged piece. They will forever remember that message, remember that lesson, and remember that moment. Nothing can take away that bond between your message and their heart.

The next time you give your speech, don’t be afraid to reveal the ragged edges. Know that what you are afraid of will be the very thing that makes a lasting difference in the life of someone else. If you truly desire to connect, bond, and make a positive change for someone else, share your ragged edges.