Recently, a colleague on LinkedIn asked how do you present yourself as the most important person [...]]]>

Not too long ago I wrote about how to find the most important person in the room by reading specific body language cues. (By the way, thank you to all the magazines and other blogs that picked up this story!)

Recently, a colleague on LinkedIn asked how do you present yourself as the most important person the room?

Great question!

While the body language cues I discussed in the first article came primarily from how people react around you, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t a few things you can do to bring the “air of power” back to you.

1.) Look the part: As nice as the saying is “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”, we still do it every day. You want to be as well dressed and as well groomed as possible. Don’t worry about having to stretch your credit card limit on clothes. You can find some great looks for low prices. You want to make sure whatever you wear it is fitted, current, and classy. Good image consultants can be very helpful in this area.

2.) Feel the part: The first person you have to convince is yourself. If you feel shy, insignificant, and scared, it will translate to your facial expressions, body language, and voice. Think of ways that you can pump yourself up. Before going to any event that intimidates me, I play my favorite “go get ‘em” music in my car – loudly. Music is one of the best ways to get your mojo flowin’. You can also get a friend to give you a pep talk. Use them as your pre-game coach. However you get there, get there! The more confident you feel, the more powerful you present yourself.

3.) Be the part: Once you’ve accomplished looking powerful for a first impression and feeling powerful inside, you can then project your powerful nature to the rest of the world. Here are a few power stances you can use when networking and wanting to appear approachable. Nothing projects power like confidence. If you want to appear confident and approachable, you’ll want to be sure to:
Have a genuine smile
Open body language (uncrossed arms and legs, no hands in pockets, palm up gestures)
Strong eye contact
Nodding when listening
Slight tilt of the head
Feet pointed in same direction

While some of these suggestions on “be the part” may seem simple and obvious, you’d be amazed at how many people overlook these necessary confident signals. The main reason why people fail to project these signal is that they don’t believe it. They don’t believe they are powerful. They don’t believe they are significant. They don’t believe in their confidence. This is why step 2 is so critical to this process. You body language leaks the true thoughts your mind (both conscious and subconscious) has.

If you believe it, they will see it.

But how do you know who Mr. or Ms. Right is? Who is the person who can green light your product or service within their company?

One [...]]]>

Networking events. Association meetings. Conferences. Regional meetings. Trade shows. Each of these events represents an opportunity. Making the sale. Making the right connection. Exchanging business cards with the right person.

But how do you know who Mr. or Ms. Right is? Who is the person who can green light your product or service within their company?

One option is the internet. Do your research, find the bigwig’s name, do a Google Image search, and you have your target. At the event, you can scan the room until you see the person and introduce yourself.

by d'n'c

But what if that’s not possible? What if they don’t show up? What if Google Image search pulls up nothing? What if you’re not sure who your ideal target is?

Thankfully, when this happens, you don’t have to randomly approach people and hope they are your mark. You can be a detective at all your future business meetings and use the skills of deciphering body language to discover the most important people in any group.

After speaking at an event, I went to the hotel’s lounge to relax and unwind. Wanting to enjoy some alone time, I sat in the far corner booth and began one of my favorite activities: people watching.

There was another conference at the hotel and some of their attendees came to the lounge for a social hour. At first everyone was shaking hands, welcoming one another and being very friendly. After awhile the large group started splitting up into subgroups. 5 women chatting at one table. 3 men laughing at another. 2 women standing and gossiping. But, there was one subgroup that caught my attention.

I noticed 3 gentlemen. One tall, good posture, well dressed. The second was of average height, well dressed, good posture. The third was short, had poor posture, and was – quite frankly – poorly dressed. Who is the most important person of the group?

Most people would say one of the first two gentlemen. They had strong posture, knew how to carry themselves, and their clothing reeked of success. Most people would be wrong.

After knowing a few body language basics, you would know to look more closely. While posture and clothing are good variables to observe, they are surface level indicators that can easily and consciously be altered for any situation. As a body language pro, you would want to look at the unconscious indicators to discover your alpha-person of the group.

In this case – as in most – the feet gave it away. Even though the men were standing in a circle, politely facing each other and looking at one another while they spoke, the feet pointed toward Mr. Important himself, gentleman #3. That’s right. Mr. slumped-over-I-don’t-need-to-iron-my-clothes-or-put-together-a-snazzy-outfit-like-the-rest-of-you.

The feet of the other two gentlemen were pointed directly at guy #3 like a pointing dog during the hunt. The feet give away so much information unconsciously. They almost always will point towards the direction where you want to be or towards the person you perceive to be the most important person in the conversation.(Where was Mr. Important’s feet pointing? The door.)

While initial looks might lead you to one conclusion, body language will give you the power to detect the subtleties that lead you to the truth.

Use this body language detective skill for your next meeting. If you want to converse with the “top dog” just follow the feet.

Related Articles

• Body Language between Men and Women
• Too Close for Comfort
• A Good Handshake

The other day my friend called and asked if she could drop by for lunch. I said, “Sure!” She said, “Great, I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” So, for the next ten minutes, what did I do? I cleaned! I ran around like crazy picking things [...]]]>

I’m sure I’m not the only person who does this:

The other day my friend called and asked if she could drop by for lunch. I said, “Sure!” She said, “Great, I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” So, for the next ten minutes, what did I do? I cleaned! I ran around like crazy picking things up, wiping things down, putting things in tidy piles, and throwing the rest in the bedroom.

Why did I do it? Because I wanted to project my best self to my friend. Even though the “natural state” of my home is a bit unorganized, I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible in my house. Granted, she would have understood if the place wasn’t perfectly tidy, but I wanted it to look nice for her.

This is often the same situation we find ourselves in when we meet someone for the first time, give a seminar, or are trying to pitch an idea or product to someone. Even though our “natural” state is nervous and wracked with insecurities, we want to project our best self to the listening party. We communicate confidence by sitting up straight, talking in a confident tone of voice, and taking our time to gather our thoughts and communicate intelligently.

Just as my friend would understand if my home was a bit messy, our audiences might understand if we are a bit nervous in various situations. However, it is a sign of respect to present our best self to our business colleagues. We we are project our best selves, it makes our listeners much more comfortable than if we display our nervousness. Plus, we get better business results when we do!

Do you have flashbacks of your mom nudging you during church when you hear those phrases? The word “posture” has negative associations with many people for that very reason. We were scolded for most of our life about our posture, and so, we don’t like to think about it. Yet, our [...]]]>

“Stand up straight. Don’t slouch.”

Do you have flashbacks of your mom nudging you during church when you hear those phrases? The word “posture” has negative associations with many people for that very reason. We were scolded for most of our life about our posture, and so, we don’t like to think about it. Yet, our posture is one of the first images we send to people and therefore a critical part in making first impressions as well as lasting impressions.

How we carry ourselves is a an important factor in how people treat us. At a business conference, do you approach someone who is standing straight, smiling, with an open stance? Or do you approach the wallflower with his head hanging low and closed off? If you are in sales, wanting to network, or wanting to stand out from the crowd, how would you stand?

Posture not only applies to standing, but sitting as well. Don’t throw out your well-developed habits the second you sit in a chair. Slouching can dramatically change someone’s perception of you, your confidence, and your business or product.

While we all understand the importance of good posture, we tend not to think about it because we end up hearing the nagging voice of our mother. When we think of the word posture, we usually tense up and force ourselves into a very uncomfortable position, a position we think of as “proper posture”. When people talk about posture they usually refer to shoulders back, chest out, straight back, and head held high. If you struggle to get this ideal image of posture in your body, chances are you’re carrying quite a bit of tension in your body, and that directly be disruptive to you stress level, muscle and joint pain, and even your voice! But good posture doesn’t have to break you back.

To help change your perception and attitude towards good posture, think of how you sit or stand as your “silhouette”. What would your figure look like in a silhouette? When you put the image of your posture outside of yourself, and think of it as a silhouette – a shadow against the wall – it is much more effortless to make a few small changes that can make a big difference.

A good silhouette is simply a body that is aligned. Each vertebrae rests effortlessly on the other. That’s all. I find it easy to get my silhouette in alignment by picturing a thin but powerful string attached at the crown of my head. As it gently pulls upward, my body relaxes between the force of the string’s tug and the pull from gravity, resting my body in an even alignment. It is a much more effortless and less stressful way of thinking about your silhouette.

As you go throughout your day, ask yourself, “how is my silhouette?” and see if you need to make any small adjustments easily and effortlessly.

A good handshake is when the webbing between the thumb and forefinger meet between the [...]]]>

It amazes me how many bad handshakes are out there. In my last post, I talked about how a good handshake plays an important part in job interviews and first impressions. But what exactly constitutes a good or bad handshake?

A good handshake is when the webbing between the thumb and forefinger meet between the two individuals’ hands. With a firm grasp the the two individuals pump their hands up and down 2 to 3 times. That’s it. Not too complicated. And yet there are so many variations on the handshake and it always surprises me when I run into them.

Dead Fish Handshake

The one that I hate the most and that sends willies up my spine is the “dead fish” handshake. That’s when the other person doesn’t grasp onto my hand at all. It always feels strange when it happens and I’m always inclined to check for their pulse.

Finger Handshake

Another one that surprises me is when the other person only let’s me shake their fingers. It seems to be a throwback to women offering their hand to be kissed. But it’s even more confusing when this happens and I’m shaking the hand of a man. Neither men nor women should shake hands in this manner. It is just as weak as the “dead fish” handshake.

The last one that gets to me is the crushing handshake. Usually, with no surprise, this comes from a man. I suppose long ago they were told that if you shake hands with a strong grip you affirm yourself to be the alpha dog. I’m a 5 ft. woman…what exactly are you trying to prove big boy? Get over yourself. There is no need for that.

While there are many other variations and advice you might have heard in the past (have your hand be on top, cover their hand with your free hand, etc), the handshake is successful when it’s simple. Stick to the basics and you’ll do fine.